Welcome to Our Show
We are thrilled that you have decided to spend the next hour with us talking about love, sex, dating, and a surprising amount of butt stuff. We've worked very hard on this show, but we couldn't have done it without the love and support of our friends, family, and therapists. We'd also like to give special thanks to: David Long, the namesake of this theatre for paving the way for us to share queer stories and voices, Sookie Mei for lending us the overhead projector (They haven't seen the material so their help isn't necessarily an endorsement of our depravity), Jared Brown for helping hone our opening number and arranging and recording the piano parts, the Medeiros family for letting us use their home to rehearse, Jay Jacobs for going above and beyond on the lighting for this silly little show, Lisa DesGroseilliers for signing on to do sound without a moments hesitation and fixing all of Dylan's mistakes, Anne Mooney and LCP for getting us access to a rehearsal space, Ceris Anne for providing us with a beautiful puppet, Elyse Scheid for her help in conceiving the sketches in this show, and the palace theatre commons for allowing us to debase this beautiful historic theatre with our potty mouths. Lastly we want to thank all of our exes, hookups, booty calls, fuck buddies, situationships, summer flings, and all of the other creeps who have slipped into our DMs over these many years. You're the real stars of this show.
Credits:
The Players
Matt Butler
(He/Him)
Despite being in the London theatre scene for over a decade, 2024 is a year of firsts for Matt. This is his first time writing for and performing in a Fringe show, his first time directing his own work (“Inner Demons” This Hour Has 10 Minutes, AlvegoRoot) and his first time directing a musical (Blood Brothers, MTP). None of these firsts would have ever happened without the driven, dorky and ridiculous castmates he’s lucky to call his friends. He would also like to thank the bartender. The show wouldn’t be quite as funny without you.
Crystal Crawley
(She/Her)
Crystal Crawley is a human person who believes what doesn't kill you gives you trauma and likely makes you funnier! She went to Humber College for Comedy writing and performance or at very least made an 8K donation to their fine institution. She's married, so don't get too excited fellas, though grocery inflation may just lead her to start an Only Fans (anyone with a kink for chunky girls with smart mouths)? She last graced the stage as an axe murder who curls (Black Bonspiel). She is thrilled to join Three Beard Theatre and hopefully make you chuckle
Antonio Fowler
(He/Him)
Antonio has played a number of roles over the past year or so and is excited to return to the stage yet again, this time for his very first Fringe Show. You may have last seen him dying in a wheelchair, and then returning to dance with the Kinkiest of Boots. Antonio would like to thank his friends for their constant support.
Haley Jensen
(She/Her)
Haley Jensen (she/her) is a graduate of St. Lawrence College’s Musical Theatre Performance Program. When she’s not in the theatre, you can find Haley in the studio teaching dance or on the couch watching Vanderpump Rules. Haley would like to send a special thank you to her family and her partner, Jared, for always supporting her in everything she does.
Celine Medeiros
(She/Her)
Celine Medeiros (she/her) is a girl, who is in this show. You may have seen her in other shows. But also maybe not. She doesn't know where you've been. Or even who you are. But you are here now, and she wants to thank you for supporting local theatre, which in turn, supports her and inflates her already massive ego. Kuddos. Love to the rents, J&M, and H.
David O'Garr
(Any/All)
David O'Garr has been in London for a couple of years, moving here to be closer to his family during the pandemic. They appeared as the Scottish King in Black Bonspiel with LCP and will be appearing in Pirates of Penzance with LCP in the Fall. Before London he did a lot of theatre in Hamilton, with Hammer Entertainment (Big Fish, Sunset Boulevard and If/Then) and Hobbyhorse Theatre (The Elephant Circle, HamFringe). They have also trained with Robert Bellissimo in the Meisner Technique. He is excited to be working with new friends starting Three Beard Theatre, and writing/producing and acting in their inaugural production at London Fringe, and they very much urge you to take their PSA seriously.
Tannis Quinn
(She/Her)
Tannis Quinn is reluctantly happy to be here, because she has imposter syndrome. She hopes you enjoy this show and other Fringe productions and thanks you for supporting local theatre. I never know what to write in these, is this good enough David?
Dylan Trahan
(He/Him)
Dylan Trahan went to school for comedy writing and performance at Humber College, yeah that's a real thing. He's also a founding member of the award-winning Toronto-based sketch troupe Kiss the Dog. Dylan has also become a staple of the London theatre community due in no small part to his ability to mask as a tough straight guy. He'd like to thanks his bad ass big sister for giving him the courage to live his life authentically and without reservations.